Clash of the Genocidal Powers

The final four teams in the UEFA Euro Cup 2008 are familiar names to students of modern history. Turkey (Armenia), Germany (Jews, Gypsies, Gays, etc.), Spain (all New World indigenous peoples) and Russia (Ukraine and their own) made it through to the semifinals from a wider field of European nations vying for this years cup.

Germany dispatched Turkey late yesterday and Spain and Russia are now set for the kick-off. I sit amused as I listen to the Russian anthem play since it is sung to the tune of the old Soviet anthem thanks to a change Putin made in 2000.

Perhaps our Predictive Markets Correspondent can figure out some odds for this game and the final based on the scale and date of the genocides?

Travels in the Colonies

I've recently become a big fan of visiting modern-day colonies. My first experience with a formal modern-day colony was in New Caledonia, the most populated Non-Self Governing Territory in the world (some readers may be familiar with my work on mining impacts in New Caledonia) Recently, I had the opportunity to visit a couple other Pacific colonies. Although not formally on the United Nations Decolonization list, some people on Rapa Nui (Easter Island) clearly think they're a Chilean colony (see photo at right) and French Polynesia certainly has that anachronistic colonial feel - complete with impoverished indigenous peoples next to the mansions of the rich white French.

So if you're looking for a holiday with a little more edge - perhaps something with a bit more social tension, economic disparity, or disenfranchisement look beyond your local Native American reservation and perhaps book travel to one of these exotic modern-day colonies in the Pacific. Plus, there's also Western Sahara.

Local News Almost as Bad as LATC...Almost

So there's an oil spill off the coast of Buenos Aires, but you wouldn't know it by watching local news here. After being sent the BBC article by a friend, I flipped to the numerous local news channels available here. I saw plenty about the continuing farm protests and also an interesting piece on a photo of Pamela Anderson without make-up. But nothing about the oil spill...

Something You Won't See in the LATC

Among other newsworthy stories, you probably won't read anything in the Los Altos Town Crier about "Network Power," a book by Los Altos native and scholar David Grewal. His work focuses on globalization; the Financial Times calls it "brilliant" and it is quoted extensively in a piece in today's International Herald Tribune.

Having read advance chapters of the book (an exclusive benefit for being the Foreign Correspondent for a well-respected blog), I can vouch that it is an important work for understanding our world. I'm still awaiting delivery of the book so I can finish it. In my experience, mail delivery in much of the world seems to be holding back globalization...

This is almost too perfect

Imagine you are assigned to write a fake editorial in the voice of the Town Crier. And it has to reference the earthquake in China AND the cyclone in Burma. I bet it would look something like this.

POSITIVE CHANGE AHEAD FROM LOS ALTOS

Every once in a while, the paper caricatures itself so well that the only possible explanation is that someone at the printer slipped in a mock article for their own amusement or that the writers took it upon themselves to satirize the publisher's world view. They could have done a better job with the headline -- something along the lines of "Don't let poverty, death of others get you down" -- but perhaps they were just trying to be subtle.

Recent news beyond Los Altos has been less than sunny, let’s face it: The national economy remains shaky, gas is officially more than $4 a gallon, the death toll from last week’s cyclone disaster in Myanmar could exceed 100,000 and another disaster close behind it – the 7.8 earthquake that hit China on Monday, killing nearly 9,000 people.

I'll give you some time to guess why the paper is bringing up the earthquake in China. (And ignore the disastrous punctuation and the tragicomically low alleged death toll -- I'm posting this at least a week after the editorial went to press).

Did you guess yet? Here's a hint.

All the more reason to count our blessings on the local scene.

This is some great character-writing here by the forger -- bringing up terrible calamities simply so that we can dismiss their importance by discussing our money. Can you think of the last time even tens of thousands of Los Altans died in a cyclone? I can't. We're rich. Leave us alone, world.

Certainly, the high quality of life in Los Altos is well documented, but here’s another thing to consider: Numerous plans and projects under way bid to make this community even better.

In the interests of time, let's use a mathematical equation to express the relative importance the forger places on these numerous plans and projects:

(Burmese cyclone + Chinese earthquake + foreclosures + high gas prices) < (New flowers and plum trees on San Antonio Road + two new downtown buildings + plans to sell lot at State and Main + Safeway expansion + post office replacement + new Loyola Corners landscaping + possible civic center renovation)

I just saved you six paragraphs.

It’s also encouraging that Los Altos residents don’t act like they live in a bubble, but are compassionate and continue to help others. Witness, for instance, the bake sale in front of Starbucks in downtown Los Altos last weekend in support of the Myanmar survivors.

Los Altos residents don't act like they live in a bubble? Sure, the city incorporated mainly to keep out low-income residents, and it has pass laws banning Mexicans and Gypsies from the town, and its local paper repeatedly writes about how great it is that bad things happen other places but not here (even when they actually do happen here). But we had a bake sale.

I like "It's a Wonderful Life" as much as any Jew I know, but this is a little too much.

While the structural improvements are nice and we look forward to them, ultimately we’re proud of the quality of people that make Los Altos the great community it is.

This conclusion is another reason I think this editorial might be a fraud. I suspect the real Town Crier cares more about the structural improvements.

You people still aren't getting your land back

Far more stunning than Fidel Castro announcing his resignation in today's edition of Cuba's amusingly-named government newspaper was that BigDra had nothing to say about it. Perhaps he's still paranoid or embarrassed about this.

Speaking of embarrassing, the New York Times had this to say about the leader of the Cuban Revolution this morning:

He embraced a totalitarian brand of communism and allied the island with the Soviet Union. He brought the world to the brink of nuclear war in the fall of 1962, when he allowed Russia to build missile launching sites just 90 miles off the American shores. ... His record has been a mix of great social achievements, but a dismal economic performance that has mired most Cubans in poverty.

As Joc said, that's one version of history. Another might attribute the poverty and lack of political freedom to the Bay of Pigs, the crushing embargo, the CIA's efforts to assassinate him, attempts to seed rain clouds over the mountains in order to kill crops in the plains and the continued harboring of terrorists in South Florida.

I'm not saying Castro's perfect. As a loudmouth, I found the restrictions on the press and other forms of expression particularly bothersome, especially when the social accomplishments of the Revolution are such a source of pride for the people that it's hard to imagine how democratic reforms would endanger them. But choosing from between Fidel and the types of people featured in the Museum of the Revolution's "Hall of Cretins" (Reagan, Bush I, and Batista), it's hard to see Castro as the bad guy.

Also, it's hard to deny that this story, from Tad Szulc's biography Fidel: A critical portrait, is cool. It takes place right after the Granma (the boat for which the newspaper is named) landed in the Sierra Maestre. The rebel army was nearly destroyed in the ensuing ambush, its forces scattering into the mountains, where they hid for several days before a local sympathizer alerted Fidel that this brother was camped out close by:

Just before midnight, the brothers embraced in the canefield. Fidel asked Raul: "How many rifles did you bring?" and Raul replied, "Five..." Fidel shouted: "And with the two I have, this makes seven! Now, yes, we have won the war!"

Viva Kosova Libre!

The dissolution of Yugoslavia was finally completed today as members of the Kosovar parliament declared independence. It's been a long road for the majority ethnic Albanian population of the former Serb province. In 1999, NATO forces led by the US and UK bombed targets in Serbia stopping the Serbian military's latest campaign of ethnic cleansing in the region. Since then Kosova has been in limbo as a UN administered territory. Perhaps now it can move on, garner investment, invest in infrastructure, health, and education and move towards eventual EU membership.

At the independence celebrations today in the capital city of Pristina, many of newly independent Kosovar waved American flags. Kosova is perhaps the only place in the world where NOE can sport his stars and stripes bandana and people won't think he's an asshole. Maybe he should go and have a proud stroll down Bill Clinton Blvd, one of Pristina's biggest avenues. Now the only question is: can he use his Rapid Rewards to get there?

For those of you looking for actual information

Perhaps out of post-Rwanda and ongoing Darfur guilt (or because its a big tourist destination), the Western media has been giving a lot of coverage to the recent violence in Kenya. However, the tendency has been to oversimplify the situation and chalk it up as just another example of horrific "tribal conflicts" in Africa. Even the regional head of the ICRC, who should certainly know better, has made ignorant statements along these lines.

The violence began after there were delays in declaring a winner in the recent presidential election. The vote counting was subsequently stopped (sound familiar?) and current president Mwai Kibaki quickly declared the winner after trailing his opponent Raila Odinga. The majority of those killed have been protestors shot by security forces, but because Odinga is Luo and Kibaki is Kikuyu, Western media outlets have quickly jumped to the conclusion that “tribal rivalries” are at the root of the conflict. However, according to an anonymous expert on ethnic conflicts in Western Kenya, the unrest stems more from disenfranchised youths and anger over years of corrupt governments.

"No one is focusing on the real cause of violence ... which is political disillusionment," she said in an exclusive interview with Nemesis of Evil. "It's the young unemployed men who were told to vote and promised change, and who en masse were voting for the opposition, despite the fact that he was Luo."

News articles on the crisis have overlooked another crucial fact: that Odinga's opposition coalition was multi-ethnic in nature.

"What Raila (Odinga) did was tap into leaders in the other provinces and into the general feeling (outside of the central province) of wanting a new political system -- federalism, which to most people on the ground literally means roads," said the expert.

Hopefully a better understanding of the causes of the conflict will lead to a more effective solution. I'm waiting for Obama, whose father is Luo, to weigh-in on the matter. It's too bad he’s got other things on his mind right now, because he’s hugely popular in Kenya and might be able to help the move towards peace.

Catching up with a former Voice intern (unfortunately not THAT one).

The Economist has apologized for plagiarizing a story that former Voice intern David Herbert wrote while in Uganda this summer. Yes, that David Herbert. (Turns out I'm not the only Voice alum who's "basically ethically bankrupt.")

Suggests Herbert, "If you reference this on your blog, try not to talk about my own indiscretions."

Sorry Dave. Maybe next time you'll think twice about telling a higher-up, "That's your lede? Why don't you print that out so I can wipe my ass with it."

How will we get to Punta Del Este?

Buenos Aires -- Uruguay closed its border with Argentina yesterday in the latest move in an escalating diplomatic dispute between the two countries. The tensions began when Uruguay recently gave the green light to Finnish multinational Botnia to operate a paper mill on the banks of the Rio de la Plata river just across from Argentina. Argentina contends that the mill will seriously pollute the river which, according to a government lawyer I spoke with, the Argentine government is finally trying to clean up.

However, with the summer quickly approaching down here, if Uruguay closes its border, how will we all get to the chic summer resort town of Punta Del Este? And how will the Uruguayan government make up for all the lost income from tourists? Makes me think they'll open the border soon.

Pictures of the mill showed huge piles of logs ready to be made into paper. That made me think: This is the 21st century and we're still making paper out of trees? For all our technical advances and environmental consciousness, we haven't adopted any alternatives? A few years ago Canadian old-growth was being used to make phone books...

Minnesota values

You know how I know you're gay, Senator Larry Craig?

You sit with "a wide stance when going to the bathroom," among quite a few other hilarious details.

It's not quite as funny an explanation as "Blow Job" Bob Allen's 'there were a lot of black guys around' routine, but it will still give my brother plenty of punchlines next time he torments my father with lines inspired by the video game scene in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." ("You know how I know you're gay? ... You stared at a guy through a bathroom stall for two minutes while fidgeting with your fingers and later claimed that your actions were misinterpreted.")

Meanwhile, while Minnesota grapples with the possibility that its airport is a haven for sexually deviant senior-citizen conservatives from Idaho, one of the state's native daughters is facing a firestorm of criticism in Uganda for her work as a "homo propagandist."

Former Voice intern David Herbert, about whom I've promised not to say much specific because his current employer is probably reading, sends us the story of Katherine Roubos. The two graduated from Stanford together in the spring and are working as interns for the Daily Monitor in Uganda.

It seems Roubos has made the mistake of writing about gay people in a country where homosexuality is illegal. This has raised the ire of an angry mob that hilariously calls itself the "Rainbow Coalition."

Minister for Ethics and Integrity Nsaba Buturo was also on hand to represent the ruling party. Amidst the cheers of supporters, he assured the crowd that the government has no intention of repealing the ban on homosexuality before denouncing foreign journalists who advocate for gay rights.

As the local editor, it's not my place to criticize foreign governments too much, but a Minister for Ethics and Integrity? Doesn't that sound like something the Bush Administration would have? Herbert's always had a good eye for irony, so he also gives us this:

"This is not journalism, but rather criminal propaganda," said [Pastor and former National Break Dance Champion Martin] Ssempa, who held a young boy in his arms as he rallied the crowd.

Creepy. This man, by the way, receives U.S. taxpayer dollars to spread his beliefs.

Cold War Redux

While I was on the font lines of the spectacular saga of the poisoning death/assassination of Alexander Litvinenko, I didn't realize it was perhaps the first in a recent string of publicity stunts crafted by the Kremlin to signal Russia's resurgence as an international power.

Since Litvinenko, a former Russian agent, was poisoned with easily traceable Polonium-210 in London last November, Moscow (read: Putin) has (and this list is not exhaustive by any means) waged cyber attacks on Estonia, fired missiles into Georgia and just the other day sent bombers to buzz US military installations on the Pacific island of Guam. Although there is some dispute regarding how close the Russian planes actually got to Guam, the fact remains that Russia (read: Putin) is hoping to revive its standing in the world.

However, Putin hasn't let his military "exercises" do all the talking. He has also been engaging in a war of words with the UK over the continued fall-out from the Litvnenko case, refusing to negotiate on the issue of independence for Kosovo and threatening to point missiles at Europe.

So if you were a Soviet analyst and have been out of work for the last 15 years or so, well, there might be some positions opening up for you about now. And maybe we should all start worrying that every plane you hear flying overhead may be a Russian nuke. Cause that's what I did when I was 6 and I think I may start thinking that way again.

Dikembe's Looking for 100,00 Members

Many of you have probably heard of NBA star Dikembe Mutombo's post shot-block finger wags (or at least I hope you have) and hopefully some of you have heard about his charity work.

When I spoke with the man himself in Toronto's Pearson airport yesterday evening, he told me that the hospital he has spent ten years trying to build finally opened last week in Kinshasa, the capital of his home country, the Democratic Republic of Congo. The hospital, named for Mutombo's mother, was no doubt delayed by ongoing conflict in this country of 60 million. The $29 million project is to focus treating women and children and could not come at a better time. Currently, families of the ill beg outside Kinshasa's existing hospital hoping to raise enough money to pay for the limited treatment available.

Now that the hospital is operational, Mutombo told me he's looking for 100,000 people to become members of his foundation and donate whatever they can - $10 or $20 - to the ongoing efforts. Further, anyone with professional experience, particularly medical experience can volunteer with the foundation. More information is available at the Dikembe Mutombo Foundation website.

Our foreign correspondent is too polite to write about this

But we can't let it go unremarked that even a country like Mauritania -- where young girls are forcefed in order to make them obese, and in some cases tortured when they refuse -- still has far fewer overweight women than the U.S.

I can say this only because Megan is 3,000 miles away, but it sort of makes me think the Onion was right.

How Many Britishers Are There in China?

During my previous foray into journalism (at Foreign Policy magazine in DC), I was told never to use anything in a British newspaper to fact-check an article. Apparently there are more lenient standards for what gets printed in a newspaper in the UK than in the states.

I was reminded of this today while reading the Guardian, which was honored last year as newspaper of the year by the British Press Association. An article about Britons abroad asserted that there are approximately 3.5 million British citizens living in China. I found this curious because a BBC article on the same subject estimates 36,000 British ex-pats living in China. Strange that the Guardian figure is 100 times larger than the BBC's. Both articles note that roughly one in ten Britishers lives outside of the UK. However, if there actually are 3.5 million British citizens in China, then the numbers just don't add up right. There would have to be more than one in ten abroad.

Perhaps we should see how many Britishers the Guardian thinks there are in "Mauretania." According to the BBC, there are 1600 Britishers in Mauritania. So...roughly 160,000?

Sudanese Police AKA Darfur Party Poopers

Sudanese "security forces" have been accused of a lot of horrible things in the "troubled" Darfur region. However, this time, they may be in the right. Apparently they broke up a party that was thrown by African Union peacekeepers and UN personnel the other day. UN workers complained of being detained and assaulted.

But, hey, you know what? If you want to party, don't go do it where the genoicide is at. And, if you do, don't be surprised if you catch a little beat-down.

Here's a safer alternative: wait until your little tour of duty is over and, when you're home, go use that generous UN salary of yours to buy yourself some booze. Then go drink it somewhere where there isn't sharia law or people dying all around you. Though it may be hard to find some AU soldiers to party with...

Add a circle of hell for the auto racers

People have long spoken out against the Paris-Dakar rally car race, but this may be the first time the Vatican has joined them. I don't usually agree with the Vatican and I won't make a habit out of it, but it's good to see it finally weighing in on the right side of something. The Vatican newspaper strongly condemned the rally Tuesday in an article called "Paris-Dakar: The Bloody Race of Irresponsibility."

The race is a curiosity for most Americans, but is, for some reason, considered a legitimate sport in Europe. We have a similar event, called the Baja 1000, where we tear up the closest foreign desert. But that's a Cannonball Run-style race of eccentric millionaires and other nutbags with a perverted sense of adventure.

The Paris-Dakar, on the other hand, is a race for "professionals" driving multi-million dollar prototypes from Europe and Japan's top car companies. The contestants, needless to say, are almost all Europeans (not counting South African Dirk von Zitzewitz). They race through some of the most impoverished communities on earth endangering anyone who might be crossing the "track" (i.e. the dirt road near their home) and sometimes wind up in horrific crashes that kill locals and competitors alike. If a prototype car crashes and the team is unable to repair it, they are under instructions to torch it, so as to prevent Malian villagers from taking note of the design and starting their own car company to rival BMW.

Some of the places that the rally course passes through are so forsaken by the press that even spelling their names is a challenge. Today's edition of the Guardian (UK) featured photos from "Mauretania," a mistake that appeared twice, including once in the headline, even though a map had the correct spelling.

David Lazar is about to blow your mind

Over at Gold Star Mother Speaks Out, Karen Meredith is pleading with readers to write to Congress in opposition of the President's call for an escalation in Iraq. I'll probably do that myself, but first I figured I'd make fun of this schmuck named David Lazar who writes for the undergraduate Daily Bruin here at UCLA.

Iraqis can be unified through separation

Here we go. Try to look past the non-sequiturs, as they'll distract you from the brilliance of his arguments.

Saddam Hussein's execution is a pivotal event, one which calls for a re-evaluation of the positive consequences of the American-led invasion of Iraq, as well as our present strategy of attempting to rebuild Iraq.

It's pivotal because now we can finally settle the question of whether those positive consequences have been just awesome or super-awesome.

The U.S. has achieved several crucial accomplishments in this war, primarily the liberation of millions of people, which are downplayed in the pessimistic media environment as most reports focus on the ongoing sectarian violence.

So far, it looks like super-awesome.

The current violence, though, requires that we consider a more comprehensive political solution than simply deciding whether to increase or decrease the number of U.S. troops. Rather than establishing a single democracy which forces bitterly warring sects together, it should instead consider more of a loose confederation with autonomy for each group.

We. It. The important thing is to get these bitterly warring sects out of a republic and into a confederation.

Within hours of Hussein's execution -- a seemingly key positive event -- media outlets reported that the event could serve to increase violence, something that has yet to be clearly manifest.

Can you believe the nerve of these cut-and-runners?

But the same reporters have been spreading these claims for some time, playing up reports that the removal of Hussein's regime and the continued American presence destabilizes the region into open violence. Some even suggest that Iraq was more peaceful under Hussein's brutal regime.

But you'll show them, won't you?

Yet thousands died in the mass graves of Hussein's brutal regime, including 5,000 Kurdish villagers killed in a single 1988 attack. Some accounts put the total number murdered under Hussein's regime at more than 200,000.

For comparison, IraqBodyCount.org puts the number of Iraqis killed since the U.S. invasion between 53,000 and 59,000, and even that number may be inflated due to its heavy reliance on unofficial eyewitness accounts.

Liberal estimates of the number of Iraqis who died under 25 years of Saddam exceed the conservative estimates of Iraqis who have died from the violence in the nearly four years since the U.S. invaded. Definitely super-awesome.

Hussein's government-sanctioned killings have been decisively put to an end. Many of his murders occurred under a brutally enforced veil of secrecy in which his opponents simply disappeared.

Probably just awesome. The government-sanctioned killings still go on but they are no longer Hussein's government-sanctioned killings, plus the bodies are no longer being hidden.

The situation is far more positive than media reports let on; there is no question that Iraq is far better off than it was under Hussein.

Too bad awesomeness doesn't sell.

There is the lower death toll achieved by removing a tyrant who massacred his own people and who invaded Kuwait. The U.S. eliminated an exporter of terror -- Hussein harbored terrorists and funded suicide attacks in Israel. In addition, Iraqis now enjoy priceless freedoms, as well as healthy economic growth, which the Global Insight firm estimates had a gross domestic product growth rate of 17 percent for 2005.

Let that sink in for a while. ... Iraq had a gross domestic product growth rate of 17 percent for 2005. 17 percent! I'd like to see the Defeatocrats try to spin that one.

...But, in light of ongoing violence, rather than continuing to forge a country from such fundamentally different groups such as Sunnis and Shiites, the U.S. should look into creating a confederacy in which each of the sects would be largely autonomous....

David Lazar took a class on Iraq once. Or maybe he looked on Wikipedia. Either way, he knows about Iraq.

There is some precedent for such a system of representation based on consensus between self-governing regions. Termed consociational democracy by political scientists, the system seeks to resolve struggles for control between ethnic groups within a country, according to Michael Thies, assistant professor of political science at UCLA. He mentioned Belgium, Switzerland and Lebanon as possible examples of the strategy's success.

We should probably call it New Lebanon. By the way, David Lazar also knows what "consociational democracy" means.

The fact that the control over oil is at the center of disputes lends itself to a relatively easy compromise. According to Thies, "Oil is a resource that is sold for money, which can be distributed easily, since it is infinitely divisible."

Wait, there's oil there? Perfect. I can't even think of the last time a dispute over oil wasn't easily resolved.

Establishing a system of this sort would not be admitting defeat, but it would be acknowledging past errors -- which the U.S. did not commit -- in the creation and brutal enforcement of the borders of a country which only really existed on paper.

As long as everyone agrees that we didn't make any mistakes or lose or anything like that.

Lasting peace would then be within reach because, as the cliche goes, good fences make good neighbors.

What do awesome fences make?

Yet another reason to visit Somalia now

Somalia has always been at or near the top of places I want to visit. The Horn of Africa has so much to offer and Somalia in particular -- over 1,000 km of coastline on the Red Sea and Arabian Gulf, quick, easy, affordable citizenship, and, as if that wasn't enough, the price of an AK-47 has just dropped from $300 to only $120.

After dictator Mohamed Siad Barre was ousted in 1991, the country descended into chaos as regional warlords divvied up the country. About 6 months ago, the Union of Islamic Courts took control of the capital and brought a measure of stability along strict enforcement of Draconian laws. However, now the fledgling government attempts to establish itself further after wresting control of the capital city, Mogadishu, from the Union of Islamic courts last week with the help of the Ethiopian military and US financing. The government now wants citizens to turn in their arms. Since the government did not offer financial incentive to do so, many have taken to selling off their guns rather than surrendering them to the government and not seeing any cash in return. This has flooded the Mogadishu arms market, which led to the fall in prices.

So, instead of heading to Wal-Mart for your gun needs, why not take a vacation to Somalia? You'll get more firepower than anything legally available outside of Nevada at a good price as well as the chance to pick up dual citizenship and hit up the beach - just keep an eye out for the pirates.

Introducing NOE's foreign correspondent

One of Nemesis of Evil's goals this year (besides being more less reactive when it comes to relationships) is to give readers news about a broader range of topics (beyond, say, what I did the previous night). To that end, it is my pleasure to introduce NOE's first correspondent, former Los Altos High School valedictorian and Bullis class of 1992 graduate BigDra. Many readers will already be familiar with his regular comments and his burrito-making abilities.

BigDra's responsibilities as foreign correspondent will include third-world dictatorships, the expatriate community and how these things relate to our time at Bullis Elementary. He has been to nearly 60 countries, and once wrote of a Mexican state, "This place is not different enough to be interesting, just different enough to be annoying."

So, to paraphrase President Bush: Drew, I guess you're the best asshole who knows about the world. Tell us why we should care about Turkmenistan.