Acres of suspense, possibilities captivate Los Altos residents

LOS ALTOS, CA -- A group of perhaps 14 people gathered outside the Los Altos Civic Center for the unveiling of the precise number of Acres of Possibilities.



Bill Bluth, 76, openly admired the City Council's dedication to cost savings, exemplified by the decision to leave the remaining 40 percent of the 6' x 10' high-resolution printed color sign uncovered.

"They covered the most important part," he said. "We have absolutely no idea how many acres of possibilities there could be."

Onlookers offered various guesses.

"They're using an exclamation point, so I figure it's at least 10,000," said Jarvis Whitaker, 73.

A woman in her 60s, who declined to give her name, took the unveiling in a more serious fashion. "I've had a life of misery, and frankly, I can't take another disappointment in my life. As long as there are no fewer than 19 acres of possibilities, I think I'll be OK."

Many were simply happy that the unveiling was covered by Town Tube, the Los Altos Town Crier's new video endeavor.

"I'm just so thrilled that this going to be on Town Tube," said Phyllis Dreer, 78. "They really don't have much in the way of compelling content. Most of the videos are just pleas from Bruce Barton to submit videos."

Edward Landis, 82, quickly interjected, "Oh, and then there's that video of the (Los Altos) pet parade. It's like a minute long and it's all kids. I didn't even see a damn pet in it. What the fuck was that about? It makes our town look retarded."

Mayor Val Carpenter pulled back the construction paper to reveal 18 acres of possibilities.

Georgians show creativity with dead primates

Popular things to do with a primate carcass in the state of Georgia--

1. Cut off its tail, shave, bleach and dye it green, then set it on fire and leave it on the side of rural country road.

2. Put the "creature" in a freezer, call it Bigfoot, then drive the frozen carcass to Palo Alto for a press conference.

1953



2008

Are you aware this person taught poor children?

Ahh, Los Altos Parents... tirelessly striving to make sure that the term "Los Altos Parent" still conjures up exactly what you'd imagine.

"They [the parents] still do not understand why Justus chose a principal from a school [Oak Grove High School in south San Jose] with different demographics and lower test scores than Almond."

It's nice to see that the running gag, so often exploited on this blog, about folks from The 'Tos not liking folks that aren't from The 'Tos is alive and well -- and thus the main staple of NOE is safe and sound.

African no longer welcome in Los Altos Hills

Although he has not been implicated in growing marijuana on the periphery of the "town" as other immigrants have, Los Altos Hills residents still want the African immigrant out of their upscale community.

"I'm getting tired of him," said Thomas Puorro, 82.

At first, the African immigrant intrigued neighbors, even though residents suspected that he was an escapee from a holding area in South San Francisco. A native to Uganda, the immigrant caught the attention of a Ugandan ambassador who sent a friendly note to "The Heights" Hills on the immigrant's behalf.

Despite international goodwill for the African, tensions are high.

Puorro added, "I'm getting closer and closer to getting myself a slingshot."


*John Rocker was unavailable for comment at press time.