Remembering Los Altos' war on Halloween

With the war on Halloween back in the news, I was reminiscing earlier tonight about the time the Los Altos School District nearly did away with the holiday 12 years ago.

Michael Radwin has, for reasons that I should not criticize, helpfully created a page of links to Mercury news articles about the struggle, from back when the Merc was a good paper. While it may surprise some of you to see religious fundamentalists once exercised influence in Los Altos, it should hardly suprise you to see the city earn scorn from throughout the nation by toying with a hilariously dumb idea.

(As an aside, shame on all of you who gave out Dots tonight.)

Team America: World Police

Apparently, the US military is now protecting foreign cargo ships carrying carcinogenic material near Africa. As if our armed services weren't already doing enough good in the world...

Oh yeah, we're also making it safe for ships from the Axis of Evil to operate off the Somali coast.

Los Altos's anti-gypsy ordinance

Article IV, Section 2 of the Constitution of the United States guarantees citizens certain "privileges and immunities." The Supreme Court has interpreted this to mean that neither states, counties nor cities can discriminate against non-residents' economic activities without a "substantial reason" for doing so.

All of this leads to the following question:

What could possibly be the substantial reason Los Altos has for limiting fortune-telling and palm-reading permits to residents of the county? (See Title 4, chapter 16). Was there a huge problem with gypsies blowing into town and ... doing what exactly?

The offending part of the law reads:

No person shall practice the business of palmistry, fortune-telling, astrology, prediction of the future, or any similar practice for a fee or any other item of value without first having obtained a permit from the city manager.

...

Any person holding a permit pursuant to this chapter shall be a citizen of the United States, of good character, over the age of twenty-one (21) year, a resident for one year last past of the county, and have a city address wherein operations will alone be lawful.

Another part of the law excludes would-be fortunetellers who have previously been convicted of trickery or deceit.

If any non-residents out there are interested in applying for such a permit and bringing a federal court challenge when the city refuses, I am your lawyer.

Beaumont West

Dancing, pool, pinball.

Los Altos Hills finally lifted its ban on the latter after 51 years. Mayor Craig Jones, who admits to having never heard of the law until resident Steve Kalem stumbled across it, puts an amazing spin job on the story.

"Los Altos Hills, like Palo Alto, is one of those towns where people pay attention," Jones said. "We have the eyes and ears to point it out."

Somehow, despite the town's general ignorance of a criminal law that had been on the books for more than five decades, this story is about the alertness of the citizenry. This is even funnier considering the fact that, according to the Los Altos Neighborhood Network, us flatlanders once had a similar law. Presumably, at some point in time, Los Altos repealed its law, but Los Altos Hills decided that it wasn't quite ready to do so.

Vigil for Lucio Casiano

An e-mail from the Day Worker Center list:

Lucio Casiano, a leader in the ministry "Youth for Christ/ Jovenes Para Cristo" from St. Athanasuis Mountain View, was detained by ICE (immigration) on Wednesday. ICE went to his home with a warrant for someone else who no longer lived there, and took him in the process. They are currently holding him in Yolo County awaiting arraignment in San Francisco on Tuesday.

Lucio is a graduate of the Diocese's ILM program and a key leader in our parish. On Monday, we are hosting an prayer vigil in response to his unjust detainment. I invite you to join us in this vigil and request that you forward this invitation to other Just Faith alumnae.

Prayer Vigil for Lucio Caciano
Monday, October 15, 2007
7:00 PM
St. Athanasius Catholic Church
160 N. Rengstorff Avenue
Mountain View, CA

Weekend fashion advice

First, Bill Maher, in Salon.com:

New Rule: Show me a man wearing an American flag pin in his lapel, and I'll show you an asshole.

Los Altan David Mott had this to add in the Mercury's sports section:

Here in Silicon Valley, a necktie is commonly considered overcompensation for a lack of talent.

Both rather good points, but it's distressing to think what they mean in combination for those of us who choose to wear stars-and-stripes bandannas.

Taco-flavored kisses

The Los Altos City Council is now 1-for-2 in deciding whether or not it's a good idea to pass municipal ordinances preventing groups of Mexicans from using public rights of way.

Los Altos didn't change its laws Tuesday to keep a taco truck from feeding high school students, but the idea appears to be gaining support from some council members.

The city is considering a change to its municipal code that would discourage mobile unit vendors from selling food to Los Altos High School students.

One possible ordinance includes limiting to 10 minutes the amount of time a food vendor could remain in one spot during a two-hour period.

This is vintage stuff. The last time Los Altos set out to pass a racist ordinance like this, it nearly banned lemonade stands. Now it is considering making ice cream trucks illegal. This calls for a protest.

By way of background, my alma mater is an open campus with parking passes cheap enough that everyone can afford to drive his or her BMW to school. Rich kids can spend their lunch hour at Jack-in-the-Box or Maldonado's or anywhere else. Strangely, only blog whipping boy Ron Packard seems to get this.

Council Member Ron Packard said he tried out the truck's offerings and bought a burrito and taco for a bargain price of about $3 or $4. Packard said he doesn't want to be unfair to students who don't have cars and can't drive to a restaurant of their choice.

Even though he's right on about this, I am having trouble picturing him hanging out by a taco truck in the back of the high school. I know that high schoolers don't vote, especially not those from other cities, but this has a sort of Dukakis-in-a-tank kind of feel to it, not to mention a George-Bush-on-a-"ranch"/Fred-Thompson-in-a-pickup-truck kind of feel).

The puppies are "safe"

Alza is dying. Its puppies are not (at least, not until some other drug company has the chance to do some testing on them).

ALZA Responds to Inaccurate and Misleading Information Regarding Dogs Housed at Its Campus

October 4, 2007

Unfortunately, inaccurate and misleading information has been circulating on the Internet about ALZA's plans for dogs housed at its campus. There is no public adoption program. The animals will be properly cared for and relocated to a different facility when ALZA closes at the end of the year. We regret this unfortunate misunderstanding and appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts with us.

Here are my thoughts:

1) How the hell did Alza manage to keep it out of the press not only that it was developing a premature ejaculation drug, but also that it was testing it on beagle puppies.

2) "Housed at its campus" is rather misleading, but "properly cared for and relocated to a different facility" sounds like something Tony Snow would say.

Month in review

Dear readers,

I have emerged from a September of ass-kissing. Here's a sampling of what we've missed in the last month:

The Sacramento Bee eliminated its poverty beat.

America became ever more unrecognizable.

The Town Crier turned 60.

Here's looking forward to an equally eventful October.

EDIT: To those who have asked to what purpose the Bee, in its wisdom, has decided to put my sister's talent, here's your answer.

A failed New World Napoleon, a.k.a. "Grey-eyed Man of Destiny"

Speaking of violence in Central America:

Few know about William Walker's imperial ambitions south of the border. However, folks in Nashville, certainly know about their hometown jack-of-all-trades (it was a lot easier to be all those things back then, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right NOE?) thanks to this sign that proudly proclaims the accomplishments of one of their native sons. Funny, the sign makes no mention of his crimes or pro-slavery motivations...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and $1 million keeps the rebels away ... from our bananas

Chiquita, (formerly United Fruit) the company whose name synonymous with "banana", has been fined $25 million dollars for paying over $1 million in protection money to Colombian guerrilla groups. No strangers to paying people off, Chiquita/United Fruit has a long history of fueling corruption and conflict in Latin America.

Although $25 million is peanuts to a big company like Chiquita, its certainly more than Corporate America is used to paying for its crimes. Let's hope there isn't any reduction in the fine on appeal...

Marijuana article indefensibly racist

That's what the headline on Audra Baker's letter in this week's Town Crier should have read. "Lacking key fact" is way too forgiving a way to describe blaming Mexicans for marijuana gardens. To put it in context, imagine if Eliza Ridgeway had instead blamed some unsolved crime on black people or Jews without any evidence or, for that matter, relevance.

Two people ought to be censured for this by their employers: Sergeant Ed Wise of the sheriff's department, who made the claim, and Ridgeway, who gave it a veneer of legitimacy by lazily parroting it in print.

Talking to people is hard

This weekend, we return to our roots as I avoid studying and instead make snide and unhelpful comments about coverage of the week's local news. Let's get started.

Anonymity abounds in this week's Voice, as readers never learn the names of the Old Mountain View residents who are trying to relegate day workers to the poorer parts of town. Elsewhere, a profile of a 10-yeard old rapper includes perspectives from everyone but him. (Correction: I'm an idiot.) And the second part of a two-part series on Orion Park (besides misusing the phrase "begging the question") relies largely on old Voice articles for its information.

However, since posting its original article about a nanny arrested for locking a two-year-old in a car, the Voice has added her name, Juhee Hong, and some background information. (Both articles are still online, just in case the story wasn't disturbing enough the first time.)

Bishops face their toughest choice yet: gay clergy or black bosses

After weighing their options carefully, two more US bishops have opted to serve under Africans rather than accept gays in their church. Bill Murdoch of Massachusetts and Bill Atwood of Texas have sworn allegiance to the Anglican Church of Kenya almost a year after two other Episcopal Churches aligned themselves with the similarly anti-gay Anglican Church of Nigeria.

However, the head of the Anglican Church of Kenya seems to be a bit more liberal on homosexuality than many of his Ugandan neighbors. Said Archbishop Benjamin Nzimbi of gays, "We need to love them, we need to preach to them..."

Maybe he's right: instead of criticizing Larry Craig and Bob Allen, maybe we do need to love them. That seems to be all they wanted anyway, right? Of course, let's not forget the preaching to them, either.

Go to (or run a Web site that books travel to) Cuba, receive a fine. It's the law.

Unless you're NOE, Americans who travel to Cuba can expect to be fined by the Feds for Trading with the Enemy. NOE did not receive a fine for his travel to the Communist island. Perhaps it was because he wore a stars and striped bandana the whole time. Or maybe it was because he promised the government he'd never leave the country again (using his Southwest Airlines Rapid Rewards to visit "underrated places" like Houston and Lincoln).

But that's not the main point of this post. This is:

Online travel agent Travelocity.com was fined by the old white guys (and one young black woman) in Washington for facilitating travel to Cuba over a six-year period. Like most big companies fined by the government, it paid a fraction of the maximum fines for its crimes.

Maybe more of us would have gone if all it took was a few clicks on Travelocity! I'm going to do a quick Travelocity search for travel to North Korea. I will let you folks in the blogosphere know if I come up with anything. Then we, too, can visit Enemy Nations like NOE.

Minnesota values

You know how I know you're gay, Senator Larry Craig?

You sit with "a wide stance when going to the bathroom," among quite a few other hilarious details.

It's not quite as funny an explanation as "Blow Job" Bob Allen's 'there were a lot of black guys around' routine, but it will still give my brother plenty of punchlines next time he torments my father with lines inspired by the video game scene in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." ("You know how I know you're gay? ... You stared at a guy through a bathroom stall for two minutes while fidgeting with your fingers and later claimed that your actions were misinterpreted.")

Meanwhile, while Minnesota grapples with the possibility that its airport is a haven for sexually deviant senior-citizen conservatives from Idaho, one of the state's native daughters is facing a firestorm of criticism in Uganda for her work as a "homo propagandist."

Former Voice intern David Herbert, about whom I've promised not to say much specific because his current employer is probably reading, sends us the story of Katherine Roubos. The two graduated from Stanford together in the spring and are working as interns for the Daily Monitor in Uganda.

It seems Roubos has made the mistake of writing about gay people in a country where homosexuality is illegal. This has raised the ire of an angry mob that hilariously calls itself the "Rainbow Coalition."

Minister for Ethics and Integrity Nsaba Buturo was also on hand to represent the ruling party. Amidst the cheers of supporters, he assured the crowd that the government has no intention of repealing the ban on homosexuality before denouncing foreign journalists who advocate for gay rights.

As the local editor, it's not my place to criticize foreign governments too much, but a Minister for Ethics and Integrity? Doesn't that sound like something the Bush Administration would have? Herbert's always had a good eye for irony, so he also gives us this:

"This is not journalism, but rather criminal propaganda," said [Pastor and former National Break Dance Champion Martin] Ssempa, who held a young boy in his arms as he rallied the crowd.

Creepy. This man, by the way, receives U.S. taxpayer dollars to spread his beliefs.

The one thing they have in common is that they both belong in jail

Hooray!

Looks like two to three years was enough. Certainly, I can't imagine how much more damage my former boss would be able to do anyway. He'd already managed to undermine the Geneva Conventions, politicize the Justice Department, and even make John Ashcroft look good.

Cable news is splitting their morning coverage between Fredo's resignation and Michael Vick's guilty plea. I have not watched cable news for months, and had forgotten how vapid it is. CNN twice referred to Bush's "stubborn Texas cowboy streak," apparently forgetting the man is from Connecticut. It also quoted Senator John Cornyn -- another Texas Republican -- to the effect that no evidence existed that any U.S. Attorneys lost their jobs for political reasons, and then failed to point to mountains of evidence.

A much-hyped and long-awaited post about parking policies in downtown Los Altos...

... is coming soon, I promise.

But first, a word from our foreign correspondent, who phoned in the following at 2:00 a.m. Saturday night.

Me: Hello.

Foreign correspondent: I have a question. Who would you think, between [four anonymous people] would ... (unintelligible) ... Club de Barcelona ... (Mexican slang) ... tapped out ... (unintelligible) ... That's why Ferdinand Marcos bought his wife 60 pairs of shoes!

Me: What?

Reefer Madness!

A second marijuana bust in the hills provides more evidence of the existence of Mexicans.

Kudos, I guess, to the Town Crier, for improving on its previous coverage by

• not making unsupported generalizations about entire nationalities,
• not speculating (at least not as much) about environmental impacts of which it has no proof
• and not quoting Costco quantities at Safeway prices.

Can't wait for the editorial

Joc's story

It has been a while since I last bragged about my sister.

For the last year, Joc has been tracking down the surviving members of an inner-city Sacramento pee wee football team from 1992 and interviewing them about how their lives have turned out. Many have been and out of jail. Others have died violently. She tells their stories in a three-part series in the Sacramento Bee that began yesterday.

It is very good.