I still haven't figured out the point of this

But Kerri Havnen Gordon's lede is just awesome.

When my older sister was about 10, she liked to pick up the harmless garter snakes that slithered around our rural Wisconsin backyard in the summer. One time, instead of letting it go, she thought it would be funny to stuff the snake down my pants.

This is probably a good time for me to formally apologize to my brother for that time I hit him in the nuts with a baseball and left him lying in the backyard in his Speedo. Sorry about that Andy.